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A Question Of Faith. When Should Religion Enter The Dating Picture?

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Picture taken at at Masters of Lindy Hop and T...
Somewhere between dancing and the movies, it's good to touch base with someone you're dating about their thoughts on religion and its place in relationships. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

So the Easter baskets are put away, and matzah munching will wrap up in a few days ( The Jewish holiday of Passover requires eating no leavened bread for a week, but substituting crackers called “matzah”). So issues of religion and faith are fresh in our minds.  Religion and romance sometimes create complicated situations.

Many people think that religion doesn’t matter when you’re “just dating.” But is that really true? After all isn’t the point of dating to find someone who you want to “get serious” with? And after serious come weekends away, meeting parents, and family holidays and all of a sudden there you are on a hill at sunset with a sparkler on your left hand.  Is after the ring hits your finger, but before you say “yes” the point you want to find out your darling dearest expects you to be baptized before your wedding day?

Changing religions, or becoming an atheist, is no small matter. Most faiths require classes, and individual and/or couples’ counseling. This is not changing your clothes, it’s changing who you are. Is that something you are prepared to ask of someone? Or to undertake yourself?

Perhaps it’s not actually when to talk about religion that needs rethinking, but what “dating” means, which after all is a much more complicated question.  So however you choose to resolve this important point get going on some meaningful communication between you and this person you’re starting to enjoy spending time with. Like with the relationship – start a conversation and see where it takes you.  Hopefully you’ll be headed to that hill at sunset, where you’ll have all the info you need to say “yes!”

 

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When the Holiday Surprise is that you got engaged!

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Seeing old friends is a fun part of going home for the holidays. If you just got engaged, it’s doubly true, because you can share your joy with friends and family back in your home town.  If you and your fiancé can manage to zip your lips, this festive season is perfect for a surprise announcement at a family party, or at a favorite watering hole full of college buddies. So cover up that ring, bite your tongue and head on home.  As far as you’re concerned the only surprise at your holiday dinner will be what’s in Aunt Estelle’s casserole.

Travel safely everyone!

-Dinah

ps- if you know your mom, or best friend will be crushed to not have been in on the surprise, unzip your lip and make them swear not to ruin your big reveal. They’ll be honored to be ‘first’ to know.

My Little Etiquette Shop: Shuffling Placecards is a Gamble – and the House always Wins

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Oh the poor bride and groom.  They slave away in the last busy weeks before their big day, trying to achieve that elusive goal: the perfect seating arrangement.  PlacecardThe one where feuding cousins are on opposite sides of the dance floor, and Uncle Carl the anesthesiologist plays wing man for the med student who’s chatting up a bridesmaid at the next table over. But when the Mr. & Mrs. enter to cheers and glide onto the dance floor, they look around and realize that their careful plotting has been horribly botched.

We know what’s happened.  For years guests have taken it upon themselves to “improve”  seating plans. If they aren’t sitting with a particular friend or family member they do what they believe is an innocuous thing; switch placecards, or “lose” escort cards.  They don’t think about the fact that their seating has been carefully considered. Event staff may intervene – but more often than not, they (wisely) decline to engage this type of personality so as not to ruin a lovely evening.

How can you help?  Simply put, sit where you’re asked.  Period.  No one stays in their assigned seats much after the entree anyway, it’s not going to kill you to wait until cake to catch up with your sorority sister across the room.

The “House Always Wins” part works like this:  karma wise, you’re sealing your fate of future event tables full of Mommies & Me, Aunts Who Can’t Hear, and Uncles Who Don’t Shut Up.  Plus you can count on word of your behavior getting back to the bride/groom or mothers thereof, enshrining your difficult reputation for the rest of your days.  Every Christmas Party, Baby Shower, Barbeque…you’re forever “the one who messed up the wedding.”  Are you good with that? No? Then reign in your inner maitre d’.  Really feel the need to seat people? Open a restaurant.

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