Weddings need to be a “should free” zone

In the world of weddings, as in the rest of life, “should” is a dangerous word. As we head into engagement season, I want to address the concept of “should” as relates to wedding planning. A lot of advertising is aimed at to-be-weds about what they “should” do, wear, or even spend on their celebrations. You’ll be happier if you tune out those voices. Let’s talk about why.

If I had been the photographer, I'd have gotten closer to the beautiful bouquet. Photo by Kelly Mendoza
If I had been the photographer, I’d have gotten closer to the beautiful bouquet. Photo by Kelly Mendoza

Think about what ‘should” actually means. If you should, it means you aren’t. That what you are doing, being, eating, choosing, etc. is ill-considered, misguided and sometimes (depending on how dramatic your mother is) fatal. It could be that you’re not doing it right, or that you’re not doing it at all, but whatever it is, a “should” implies you are wrong and bad.

Even full of confidence and empowered by the fact that this YOUR wedding/life, being told that you aren’t doing something right starts to make you reconsider. “Maybe I should do/be whatever it is that I’m not. Should I have thought of that?” And so it becomes internal. Should means aren’t, and eventually it drills down to doubting who you are.

So skip the “shoulds” people! Tempted in conversation? Try:

  • A good option might be to…
  • You know, I had a friend who…
  • If it were me, I would…

Support your friends – to-be-weds and the general public. If it were me, I’d tell them you love them, too.

Be well, and love well.

Wedding Movie Of The Week!

My Best Friend’s Wedding, starring Julia Roberts is a fine late 20th century example of an old Hollywood favorite: the wedding centered romantic comedy starring Hollywood’s “it” girl. that formula has been in existence almost as long as moving pictures themselves. Fine early examples “It Happened One Night” and “The Philadelphia Story” have previously appeared on the blog, one in our series one for its fashion (and soon in our series now that I realized its absence!)

My Best Friend’s Wedding is funny, colorful, poignant and stands out among the flimsy cardboard wedding movie copies that attempt to follow in its footsteps. Julia Roberts shines. And she’s still an “it” girl people, even living in Montana with her handsome lighting guy husband. Check out My Best Friend’s Wedding.


Sideways is probably the best written, most brilliantly acted version of the classic “bachelor party gone awry” plot you‘ll ever see. Set in the beautiful wine country around Santa Barbara, CA, two men muddle through discovering themselves before one of them gets married.  Hugely popular when it came out, Sideways won an Academy Award for screenwriting, and was nominated for a handful of others. This is one wedding movie everyone will enjoy. Best served with a chardonnay.