My Little Advice Shop: Bridesmaid Blindspots – Avoiding a Friendship Crash

You have the ring and you’ve told your family. The next step many brides take is to select their attendants. These women (and sometimes men) will be an integral part of the next year of your life, and it is important to choose wisely.

Brides who choose their maids without forethought often end up with attendants who are not up to the task, or who are initially excited, but lose interest in participating as the big day approaches. Even worse, brides can lose friends in the stressful situations that can arise as the wedding is planned. All the drama is easily avoided if you select your wedding party carefully. Here are five tips to help you avoid inviting conflict down the aisle:

1. Take your time. Immediately after he proposes may seem like the perfect moment to ask your friends to stand up for you, but it is wiser to share the news of the engagement without raising the subject of the wedding party. Your emotions will be running high, so wait for things to settle down before making any decisions. Keep in mind, while you can always ask someone to be in your wedding, it is not an invitation you can take back.


2. Think about your friends’ life situations. Is one of your candidates already committed to two other weddings this year? She may be relieved just being one of your guests. A friend working three jobs to pay off her credit cards? Maybe now isn’t the time to ask her to buy a pricey dress and a plane ticket. The same consideration should apply to people with demanding schedules, and/or small children. These friends can still be included in the planning, and can be lifesavers with tasks like monitoring the guest book, or handing out programs.

3. Contemplate your maids as a group. Will everyone get along? It’s wise to think about how they will work together. If two of your close friends aren’t speaking, don’t let them turn your wedding into an episode of ‘The Hills.’ Ask one to be a bridesmaid, and invite the other to do a reading, or participate in another way. The same goes for feuding relatives, and ex co-workers on shaky ground.

Two bridesmaids and an honor attendant. The perfect support team for this bride.

4. Remember, although being a bridesmaid is an honor, it is also a job with responsibilities. If you will need a lot of help, make sure to select one or two bridesmaids you can really count on to hold everything together. Although you love her, the friend who skipped off to Bali the night before her IRS audit may not be a wise choice.

5. Lastly, don’t let anyone pressure you to include someone you wouldn’t have picked on your own. Attendant spots are not guaranteed to women whose weddings you were in, nor to your fiancé’s cousin twice removed (no matter what his Mother says). Your bridesmaids are your pillars of strength during the wedding planning process, and you want to be enthusiastic about each of the wonderful friends who accompany you down the aisle. Resentment and guilt have no place at the altar on your wedding day.

As you pick your attendants, follow your heart, but don’t lose your head. Keeping these points in mind, you will be on your way to creating an enthusiastic, supportive, and helpful bridal party.


*this original article was written by our blogger for, where it appeared during the Internet’s Pleistocene era.

My Little Wedding Tips: Bridesmaid Bulletin – A Happy Bride Isn’t Hungry

We’ve been tweeting a little today about snacks for the big day – essential to achieving bright eyes and that big smile down the aisle and beyond.  While we encourage Brides to plan ahead, we also advise maids to consider keeping the bride supplied with appropriate light munchies one of your wedding day duties, right up there with your classic  bridal emergency kit with aspirin/extra hose/clear nail know the drill. (one addition we recommend that we don’t see on all the normal lists: white duct tape. Does wonders in dress situations).

Some snack thoughts.

DON’T GIVE THE BRIDE (for the sake of the dress and all that is holy)

  • Anything that makes you feel like you need to wipe your hands off afterwards
  • Anything that drips, melts, or oozes (definitely no chocolate)!
  • Anything too strong tasting (spicy, garlicky, etc)
  • Anything she hates/might be allergic to.  Check with her in advance!
  • Dry, unsalted nuts such as almonds or walnuts.


    • A planned time for a small sandwich or salad with chopped egg BEFORE the dress/makeup go on.
    • Lots of water – and straws for sipping without disturbing make-up/hair
    • healthy, portable, small serving snacks: baby carrots, almonds, string cheese.  Nature Valley granola bars are great too. No fancy flavors – just the plain ones.

Healthy snack

Last, we know that some in some families and some cultures there is a toast or drink before the ceremony.  We encourage brides and their maids to sip, and wait until after the formalities to celebrate.  Be present for this moment – it’s a big one.

Snack on, everyone!