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Minding our Ps, Our Qs, and Occasionally, Our Beeswax

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All the etiquette that's fit to print!

“Sunday Styles” is my favorite section of the New York Times. (No big mystery – that’s where all the wedding coverage is). It’s also home to the wise and fabulous Philip Galanes, writer of the ever-pithy “Social Qs” column, and now a Social Qs book. New material for the etiquette library!

I’ve used his columns as jumping off points before – like this chat about a sticky invitation situation, and so in honor of his new book, here’s a Social Q brides would be well advised to take!

R.S.V.P.? M.Y.O.B.

A friend asked why I don’t attend a weekly television-watching party at the home of a mutual acquaintance. I didn’t want to tell the truth: “I’m not invited.” I didn’t want to embarrass him or give the impression that I’m offended at being excluded. I’m not. How to reply?

Talya, Brooklyn

If your friend had thought about it for a millisecond, he might have realized there was a chance you hadn’t been asked. Note to the invited: Never assume that other folks were. You may hurt their feelings.

But that’s not the case here. So, be straightforward: “John didn’t invite me. But that’s O.K. I’m not much of a fan of ‘Toddlers (and Mascara and False Eyelashes) and Tiaras.’ ” If your pal feels a little red-faced, so be it. He may learn not to do it again.

Heed Philip’s call brides, maids, moms and friends.  With weddings turning into epic celebrations with pre-parties galore, if someone’s at the shower, it doesn’t mean she’ll be at the bachelorette, or the brunch after the wedding.  Hush up about who’ll be where lest you put your foot in your mouth.

Cheers to Philip on the new book, and here’s to all of us minding our Ps and Qs.

-Dinah


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Head to toe! Let Your Whole Body talk! And other Drag Queen Wedding Beauty tips.

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Drag Queens are Fabulous.  I’ve been watching RuPaul’s Drag Race on Netflix, and Ru is beyond fabulous – she’s wise, elegant, and one heck of a make-up artist.  So here are some “Drag” tips gleaned that are gold for Brides (and maids, and Moms…and the occasional Groom).

1)   Accentuate the positive.  Find your best feature and flaunt it.  RuPaul accents her height, and her fabulous bone structure.  Find a dress that suits you, and your body type. Ru has award winning stylists, we can find you some too. In SoCal, head straight over to Desert Bride for expert counsel and assistance.

2)   Ignore all things Negative.  Drag queens frequently have overcome a lot to be happy with who they are and to be comfortable expressing themselves.  So once they get to that point, they are FUN and HAPPY.  Stay fun!  Depressed?  Put on Abba – maybe “Gimme gimme gimme (a man after midnight)” and lip sync for your sweetie.  You’ll both laugh – and laughter is good.

RuPaul, all crystals and confidence.

3)   Lashes, lashes, lashes.  This one’s fairly self explanatory – drag queens don’t go to Rite Aid without their fake lashes on, girlfriend, so you shouldn’t think about going down the aisle without yours. Once you see how they “pop” your look, you’ll thank me. Or Ru. Or both.

4)   Think creatively!  Do you think  the fashion world comes up with looks like the Sex and the City “bird on her head” wedding look? No – it comes from the fringe (read: drag queens, art school drop-outs,  nouveau bohos and assorted other creative types) and works it’ way into couture.  Trust me – Lady Bunny had a bird on her head long before SJP.

5)    Let your whole body talk. it’s a confidence thing.  When drag queens hit a stage or a runway, they’ve got a power, a confidence, an attitude that brides would do well do take a dollop of to add to their sugar and spice.  Nice is good, but Fabulous is great.

Work that aisle like a supermodel girls! (Turn to the left! Work! Turn to the Right!)

Sashay Chanté…

-Dinah

December. New Month. Thank Goodness.

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Sometimes what you need is a demarcation.  A boundary. The end of a week, the end of a month, sometimes even just the end of an afternoon, depending on what you’re doing, or who you’re spending it with (Oh, yes Aunt Ida. That’s a lovely teacup! Akron? Really?) You catch my drift.

Here’s the trick. You can invent your own boundary. Sit yourself down, and have a Lifetime Movie Moment.  Talk to yourself in the mirror, or at a picturesque location of your choosing- and decide to stop in the name of love. Cut it off at the pass.. Why have a bad day, when you can keep it to a bad morning?  Make it a bad few days rather than assigning it a whole week.

Picturesque location anyone? (This one happens to be the Brooklyn Botanic Gardens). Photo by Stephen Thomas

This is a super important trick for brides-to-be, because contrary to those soft focus articles in BRIDES magazine, things go wrong.  And you’re gonna have to partition off those times or you’ll feel like Cinderella stood up by a gal who said she was your fairy godmother, but might have been the Avon Lady.  Invitations printing wrong on that fancy new paper? Found out your dress will be late?  Time to start picking out locations for that “She’s Getting Married” Lifetime movie you’re starring in.  Get to it, TV star.  ‘Cause you’ve got work to do.

Welcome to December everyone. Signing off, from my picturesque location where the sun is shining, and there’s some very cheesy music swelling as we fade out.

-Dinah