Emily would actually have quite liked Arianna. She’s spunky, and, we imagine, never dull at a dinner party. The same description applies to Peggy Post, the current Post holding the family post. Peggy has started answering etiquette questions in the New York Times, spicing up the online weddings section. We will be sharing some of them here from time to time. “But wait,” you might be thinking, “you guys answer etiquette questions on the blog, isn’t she competition?” The answer is no, and here’s why. We freely admit that we don’t know how to properly greet the Queen of Norway. Peggy does. She also is an enclyclopedia of knowledge about weddings, because it’s her full time job. Resources are always a positive. We liked this question and superb answer because it drilled down into a specific issue about guest lists which we discussed recently. So without further ado…
Q&A: The Well-Mannered Wedding
By PEGGY POST
Published: March 4, 2011
Planning or attending a wedding, but not sure of the proper way to go about it? In the Well-Mannered Wedding. Peggy Post, a director of the Emily Post Institute and the great-granddaughter-in-law of its namesake, answers readers’ questions.
My boyfriend and I have had several heated discussions regarding the etiquette of inviting guests with a plus-one. He thinks everyone should get a plus-one, all other factors aside. I think that only guests in a serious relationship (i.e. long term, living together) should warrant a plus-one invitation. Can you settle the debate?
Monica A., Berkeley, Calif.
Let’s avoid sending either one of you to the etiquette penalty box. Today’s standard plus-one is someone who is married to, engaged to, living with and, yes, in a long-term relationship with the invited wedding guest. Beyond these “must invites,” your plus-one decisions will be based on budget and consistency. If it’s only a few and it’s not a budget buster, you might consider asking them all. But if that’s not the case (and let’s be realistic here), come up with a clear parameter. Even so, without a plus-one invitation, some of your single guests may not want to attend. In the end, that’s their choice.
Note to guests: You didn’t get a plus-one invitation and you have a new boyfriend? Be empathetic and don’t take offense. Be happy that you’re one of the “must be there” people on the bride and bridegroom’s guest list.
Can I get an Amen? Thanks Peggy and NYT!