There are lots of ways to include family traditions in your wedding. Here”s a unique story of a dress that has been passed down through a family since 1887! If you want to kick this one off, think classic ladies!
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You have the ring and you’ve told your family. The next step many brides take is to select their attendants. These women (and sometimes men) will be an integral part of the next year of your life, and it is important to choose wisely.
Brides who choose their maids without forethought often end up with attendants who are not up to the task, or who are initially excited, but lose interest in participating as the big day approaches. Even worse, brides can lose friends in the stressful situations that can arise as the wedding is planned. All the drama is easily avoided if you select your wedding party carefully. Here are five tips to help you avoid inviting conflict down the aisle:
1. Take your time. Immediately after he proposes may seem like the perfect moment to ask your friends to stand up for you, but it is wiser to share the news of the engagement without raising the subject of the wedding party. Your emotions will be running high, so wait for things to settle down before making any decisions. Keep in mind, while you can always ask someone to be in your wedding, it is not an invitation you can take back.
2. Think about your friends’ life situations. Is one of your candidates already committed to two other weddings this year? She may be relieved just being one of your guests. A friend working three jobs to pay off her credit cards? Maybe now isn’t the time to ask her to buy a pricey dress and a plane ticket. The same consideration should apply to people with demanding schedules, and/or small children. These friends can still be included in the planning, and can be lifesavers with tasks like monitoring the guest book, or handing out programs.
3. Contemplate your maids as a group. Will everyone get along? It’s wise to think about how they will work together. If two of your close friends aren’t speaking, don’t let them turn your wedding into an episode of ‘The Hills.’ Ask one to be a bridesmaid, and invite the other to do a reading, or participate in another way. The same goes for feuding relatives, and ex co-workers on shaky ground.
Two bridesmaids and an honor attendant. The perfect support team for this bride.
4. Remember, although being a bridesmaid is an honor, it is also a job with responsibilities. If you will need a lot of help, make sure to select one or two bridesmaids you can really count on to hold everything together. Although you love her, the friend who skipped off to Bali the night before her IRS audit may not be a wise choice.
5. Lastly, don’t let anyone pressure you to include someone you wouldn’t have picked on your own. Attendant spots are not guaranteed to women whose weddings you were in, nor to your fiancé’s cousin twice removed (no matter what his Mother says). Your bridesmaids are your pillars of strength during the wedding planning process, and you want to be enthusiastic about each of the wonderful friends who accompany you down the aisle. Resentment and guilt have no place at the altar on your wedding day.
As you pick your attendants, follow your heart, but don’t lose your head. Keeping these points in mind, you will be on your way to creating an enthusiastic, supportive, and helpful bridal party.
Oh the immortal “Wouldn’t It Be Cool If.” Sometimes the ideas are old as the hills, and some are genuinely unique and fun. Then there is one last category: I call it “teetering.” These are the ideas that given a slight nudge with a bendy straw would fall into the chasm of “over my dead body.” But there’s a voice in my ear: done right, it could be utterly breathtaking/incredible/unforgettable.
In the end, it is not the planner who decides. If the bride and groom love the idea, it grows wings. So, bride and groom. How do you decide if your grand vision will be a rousing success, like this wedding entrance routine that went viral, warming hearts across the globe, or squirm inducing either now, or in ten years when you look back on this, the biggest moment of your life as a couple?
Things to think through / Questions to ask yourself:
1. Check the health of your motive. Is the amazing idea designed with the aim of becoming a viral video sensation? Some media pundits are starting to find this trend really tiresome, but that’s neither here nor there. Back to you. Is You-Tube fame-seeking really the right frame of mind for beginning your marriage? Don’t turn your rite of passage into a flash mob. Let it be meaningful.
2. Are you really and truly equally committed to the grand entrance via trapeze? Or is one partner Barnum and Bailey bound and the other donning the sequins to be agreeable? Talk to each others’ family and friends to get honest answers. You need to be a team.
3. Will your ‘Big Idea’ upset anyone in either of your families? Yes – it’s your day and all that, but weddings are intense moments as far as family dynamics go – and you are laying the groundwork for relationships that are yours to have and to hold, for better and for worse. Let’s keep them for better by not ticking off your Mother In Law (on film no less) on day one.
4. Try to fast forward 5, 10, 15 years. Are you going to regret it? Weddings, at their essence, are timeless. Fashion can date them (<cough> Princess Di) and so can gimmicky touches. Like having a computer for an officiant. When you reminisce about your wedding through the years, let it be “wasn’t it wonderful?” not “what were we thinking?”
5. Keep in mind what everyone’s there for and KISS. That stands for Keep It Simple, Silly! Everyone is coming to your wedding to share an important moment in your lives. The “wow” factor really isn’t that crucial. If you relax, and enjoy each other, everyone present will follow suit. No bells, whistles or computer generated officiants required
